What are goals? Goals are dreams and desires we create a plan of action to achieve. We all know there are financial goals, weight loss goals, exercise goals, and so on. But, why do we have to talk about goals, setting them, setting up steps to reach them, and following through with the steps?
Often we have an idea of what we want but we don't know the steps and skills that will get us there. We have some thoughts, some misunderstanding of the way the world works, and don't see the direct path. If you are successful at setting and reaching goals, you are able to see what others don't. However, for many, this is a great place for a coach's help to identify the thoughts that are keeping us from our goals and to clearly show us the steps to achieving the goal.
Often, in order to reach goals you have to be willing to be uncomfortable. You have to know you will be uncomfortable on purpose and take the steps anyway.
We have to feel uncomfortable, yet our brains want to keep us comfortable. That’s because our brains are made up of the prefrontal cortex and the primitive brain. Our primitive brain works in an emotional triad - stay safe, stay comfortable with the least amount of effort. This comes from our caveman days when we had to stay safe from predators and had to hunt for food every day in order to survive.
Nowadays, our comfort is one car ride away, or even easier - one phone call or click of the computer away - yet we still have to deal with our primitive brain.
So, how do we get our brains to cooperate? You have to use the prefrontal cortex to plan your steps.
You have to tell your prefrontal cortex what you will be doing, when you will be doing it. And, you have to be very specific with the brain.
The brain is like a toddler and when unsupervised it will convince you to eat mac and cheese and watch netflix instead of doing work. Your primitive brain will tell you to stay safe, stay comfortable and for goodness sake, do not leave the bed!!!
Aside from telling your brain what you will be doing and preparing to be uncomfortable it helps to know what the discomfort will be coming from. The discomfort is not from the task, itself, but from the possibility of failure. You have to be prepared to fail and to not be afraid of failure.
Failure is not a bad thing, failure is a step in getting it right. You try something, it doesn’t work, you adjust and you try again.
And what is failure really? It’s just an emotion. And an emotion is just a vibration in the body.
If you fail, feel the failure in your body and move through it, you will realize that failure is not the end. In fact, failure is a label we create for ourselves. What one person calls failure, another may call a learning curve, or steps to getting to the goal.
We avoid so many things because of the emotions they will bring up. What is the worst emotion you can have? Failure, shame, terror, loss. All these emotions - ones we try to avoid - are just vibrations in the body. You can learn to feel emotions and move through them, process them and actually use them to decide what the next step is.
Sounds easy, but it takes self confidence.
Confidence is knowing you can do something based on past evidence. Self confidence is doing something, with the possibility of failure and doing it anyway. It's taking that step and knowing that it may just be a step in the process.
Meaning, with self confidence, you will be able to handle the outcome and you will be able to take the outcome, learn from it and readjust if necessary.
So, You have to use your prefrontal cortex, instead of your primitive brain. You have to make a plan, at least 24 hours in advance. You have to be willing to try things in order to learn. And you have to take action despite the possibility that the action may not work out.
If you get don't get the result you want it's time to evaluate and use what you learn to figure out what will work. Better yet, hire a coach to help you see the correct path, your thoughts and start achieving those goals!